Passion & Compassion

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Omg.. wat can i say about myself..? Imcompetent, lousy, or irresponsible. I completly screwed up this event-.-'' Damn it!! Haix.. kena black face by that cheng ze alrdy lo. tempo went off and retarded on the stage. T.T wanted to cry on the spot but i must never do it. Becos its totally my fault of getting into this mess. I didnt practice it hard enough... its my fault!! Then when i was on stage CZ diao me. KNS want to box him sia. I always regard singing is easy.. but too bad, i just cmi today. Even laogong express in someway that i really suck. yeah.. but im not gonna give it up. Feb's event. im gonna do my best. Dont worry ppl! I will practice like mad and ask my partner to do the same as well. Im representing Binkz anyway.. comparing to youthbox, we must definately do better!! The song is decided so... okay!!=D Time to practice. This time have hong teng with me as well.. dont know how he is gonna perform on stage. I mean different ppl have diff styles mah. Looking at the more singing stage experienced anthony, jia lin, and alan today... i learn alot of things, especially from jia lin.( She is girl also mah, so easier to absorb). All in all, today im very disappointed in myself. I really didnt know i am so lousy.. in acting as well. Shouldnt have shown that stupid face. I realise life is like that.. sometimes having confidence.. might not gives u a better result... it just makes ppl think that u are a very big talk person. Like.. well at least that is wat some ppl might think of me.I dont care really... i want that confidence. So i wont get nervous and stressed up. It might just be a facade... but it helps alot. I promise_100% guaranty chop+ warranty+ swear im gonna do much better on 21 feb and makes binkz proud of me.
After that, me, jia lin, anthony,alan, how cher and of cos the Business developer( laogong *kiss*) went for movie and lunch without HC. LOLS. He had badminton training and is stinky, so we dont have that much of patience and time to wait for him, had lunch without him xD in kopitiam( The food court). LOLS. Glad to see that laogong is bonding with everyone else=D The movie we watched is called A Dog's Story. Plot is kinda lame and boring la but the story is real. I cried. Abit =D Before that laogong bought chips for me. Thanks laogong for sponsering me with all these. I Confirm with u that i will pay u back for the lappy, as well as being more independent financially after i work xD
Ytd's update:
Was too tired and fell asleep soon after i reach home.OMG!! I just rmb that i didnt put food for my hamsters today!! Poor thing!!! Gonna go home fast!! =( Oh yeah i went to cut my hair, go for work and see chengze scolding and get scolding from him( i did nothing wrong), and he leaves me a very STRONG impression on how he is like. I call that rational. But anyways. Will talk mroe abt this eventually. Soon! Gonna go home fast!! xD On my grey contacts today.

Labels: Journal

Friday, January 29, 2010

LOLS!! Laogong is beside me now.. we are on my bed tgt xD And he is poking me-.- Dont wanna let him see me blogging first. Just feel awkward. Stupid laogong kip laughing to himself and turn his head over to peek. Hahaa summary of wat i did today. woke up early by Laogong's sms. Then received a call from a recruiting company to ask me for an interview for a beauty advisor part time. Well.. didnt know exactly wat is it but the position sounds nice xD So.. off i went to raffles place!! There laogong gave me a surprise by popping behind me in the train!! *kiss* Then interview by the bgc group outsource strategic team.. followed by going to somerset for another round of interview.. and the last thing i know is... im going for another round of interview on monday morning. Damn it! Meanwhile when i was having the interview( 9/10 of the time is waiting for the manager of human resource), laogong is playing the lappy at burger king, which is one building away xD Off we go to his house after that.. then went to eat his mother's noodle...Well.. its nice.. but maybe becos there is less vineger so its not tat nice DAMN LAOGONG IS PEEKING NOW!!!IDOIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!=) Whatever xD gonna slp soon... tired...
PS: Today something happened in the mrt with us ^^ Its a secrettttt. Pinky Swear not to post or tell anyone.. so... *hahahas!!* But it made me laugh until stomach pain. LOL!! -End-

Labels: Journal

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Hmm im at home now!!=D What a funny day xD had loads of fun with laogong at his house. We played his laptop games tgt and we fight for the mouse =P I win^^ Hahahas. With me, he always lose *bleh*. Actually we pal to have cocktail at some place he is gonna bring me to which is in chinatown.. then i realise by the time we reach there is gonna be late o.o So we just make do with simple dinner at hawkers and had drumlets xD ( for god's sake its not drum stick-.-) Dont know why but im so so tired right now. Still wanted to blog and touch my lappy for while xD LOL!! What i can say is... I love laogong!=D tmr's plan is to go his house and play again ^^v Im gonna slp now. Feeling lethargic~~~
PS: ta shi ai qing de pian zi~~~~

Labels: Journal

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Sent my appeal to NanYang Poly=D hahahas hope that things work out lo... Its by DAE. Nvm that=D And i sent over 20 emails to find a suitable job=D Included my pictures. Hopely one of them reply fast xD Getting anxious and tired of having an empty pocket-.- Very pathetic me isnt it? Oh yeah.. if the appeal fail.. And if mannual posting post me to republic poly, i will definately insist on taking up DIPLOMA ON PSYCHOLOGY. Becos on Tp offer this course and the slots super limited. So finding my market in sg itself is not hard. Financial probs will see how lo.. discuss with family ask them pay for downpayment,i pay the installment by myself and by 1 year i will return all the money xD Since im seriously looking a job le...
PS: Laogong ah! Sorry ah.. if i find myself a suitable job.. will have little time with u le. Now cannot consider so much le.. im at my midst !! T.T Forgive me k? I will try to spare as much time as possible! Love u loads!! Gonna 7 months soon... muacks!

Labels: Journal

Considered quite alot of choices... like.. will try to appeal for the sch first promisng to retake my math o lvl this year, or retake O lvls, or take a private diploma. Got no $. Will see how lo.. Been lookinf through these for the whole day le... everybody is worried abt me. Me 2 myself. Haix... Sally send me this(*thanks so much*) :

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,

so love the people who treat u right,

forgot those who dont and believe that everything happens for a reason.

if u get a chance, take it.

If it changes ur life, let it.

Nobody said life would be easy,

they just promised it would be worth it!

Hereby telling u, i love you! =)

I find it very inspiring and realistic. Thats how life is isnt it?=D Been unable to realise it until 16 years later. But better late than never=D Will visit the poly's later.. hope that eventually things work out. If it doesnt, then my second choice would be taking private diploma. Not to convince myself its a good path, but at least i took it shorter and get a chance to university in lesser years than others.And i promise that if i like wat im doing, i will put in my best for it.. so passing for the modules would not be difficult but getting good grades for it.. cant promise really. At least i got myself a stupid piece of paper before 18 years old. Interest aside, ive got no money T.T So need to borrow from people first, when i work i will return! I promise.. but now im still in dept =( Oh yeah.. i appeal for republic le. Hope they dont let me go in xD *Crossed*

Academic stuffs makes me bongkus. Talk abt laogong, he is still eating outside with his family. Cannot take it @.@ Tmr he has sch and he is still out for dinner at.. hmm.. 12am? Rest early my dears.

PS: This is dedicated to someone. Thanks for caring for me.. so much. I know that u cared for me no less than anyone else in the past 16 years.

Labels: Journal

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Hey... Laogong said this to me :' U dont like study de mah, now cannot study le, why u cry?'
Then i cried even harder. Today's result of posting. Didnt manage to get anywhere... other than feeling lost and helpless i really have no other options. I know only losers will do this but i dont feel like talking to anybody... Could appeal? Or retake O lvls? Or just start work and heck care wat is gonna happen after that... I dont like to do things without planning.. but sometimes when everything u plan for u dont achieve it.. its all big talks and bullshit. I dont believe in anything, anymore. i want to take private O lvls...study in private school... meet new ppl , make new friends... its not a bad choice huh? Financial issues aside, One whole year for one subject.. can i make it if i do my best? Can i?
anyways.. im going to khoon's house now.. shut down my comp first..

Labels: Journal

Monday, January 25, 2010

OMG! Im supposed to be sleeping right now... but in the end im online. Okay. 1st Day of RoadShow conclusion:' COMPLETE FAILURE!' We didnt even manage to sell 20 o.o sadded sia. Becos of gary's friend la. TMD Dua us. Then poor sharon has to stay at the booth to look out for the goods and money collected. And u know wat... nobody is sttracted to the booth... so the only CD's sold is my roaming around and our push cart sales. But.. as u all understand, sales is dependent on the sales person as well.. So if im tired after 1 hour, the next hour i may not be able to perform anymore. Which also means i need a replacement that is fully charge before i reboot myself. Haix.. But today cannot leh. Sharon is not those kind of thick skin ppl de.. actually im also very thin skin de xD But its for 'charity!!' So i must try and do my best... okay... if maybe there is a fan in the booth i can recharge myself faster. And now im so stressed up becos we are all gonna die if the sales figure is like today... The group of ppl around there are all busy working group + elderly. So to get them to buy a useless and not nice to listen to CD is seemingly impossible. What should i do...

Labels: Journal

Sunday, January 24, 2010

WOW i woke up early!! Hahahas. Ytd night was thinking abt how to handle the road show till i fell asleep everntually. LOLS. Hadnt thought of anything special. But anyways... gonna do the road show later in noon and im gonna get there early in case of emergency. And since gary is not the one with me today, and anything happens to the replacement girl.. im taking responsiblity =( So got to get on my heels. See !! Thats the reason i cant sleep =P hahahas at least i made a new friend now xD Hope she isnt those ah lian type of girls. Or i really cannot take it. (Later rui ting pop out i faint) Laogong will be coming over to find me later xD Love you!!=D

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Okay=D Life isnt that bad today =D Moved my new lappy to khoon's house and we used it for the whole day. Watched a new anime with him. It isnt new to him since he watched the whole series for 3 times alrdy.. well, its quite interesting show and im just curious abt wat kind of girls he actually like. So he likes the innocent type of girls xD Well.... er hmm.. USED TO be la xD Anyway i cant catch the anime title until now. Its wat Elemental ******. But anyways. This lappy's graphics is really very good. At least at any angle, u can see it clearly=D So we watch it on the bus as well!! hahahas. Quite addicted to it alrdy. Gonna finish all 26 episodes!! xD Tmr going for road show alrdy. Speaking of which, i FINALLY got the 200 CD's that im suppose to receive 4 days ago -.- Better late than never. gary is not coming tmr... but he found someone to replace him. So he is not as irresponsible as wat laogong says. Misconception bah^^ I hate my house internet la.. compare to when im at laogong's house its like.. super slow... T.T Anyways someone complain i stink so im gonna bath =P Okay blog again later^^

Labels: Journal

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Although i promise laogong that we would sleep tgt, i realise i hadnt blog. So i came to record down what i left out for today. Today both of us woke up early for an expo exhibition. Its the gain city exhibition. We are 20 mins earlier than the opening time so i thought at least i wouldnt miss what im out for. Yes. Poly is starting in 2-3 months time and i got to get myself a lappy to use. Ytd night heard that this expo fair is selling electronics at a really cheap price so this morning i dragged laogong to the expo fair =P So back to where were we, i finally saw singaporean's real self. The super kiasus. They dash in when the door just open!! Hahahas xD Khoon pulled me aside. He is afraid i got 'touched' by others. But i think all those uncles there are more interested in the bargins than me xD Then we went in.. focused on our priority--laptops. (Actually i tot of getting myself a netbook since its much cheaper but everyone kept telling me that its useless-.-) So im prepared to spend more money alrdy. We had problems with the warranty thing. So in the end we got home with a new lappy that cost $1300. T.T Although khoon is paying for me first... i really hope i can earn money asap to return him. He going bankrupt soon =( Everything is worthwhile and im so elated with me new lappy!! Especially the none laggy audition game ive been playing just now ^^V I have no intentions to claim the lappy money from my mother. She kip complaining she no money-.- And i thought that i should be responsible for myself now. Since im alrdy 17 this year. And i meant financial terms. Ive made plans. Like even after i go into poly.. i will still go back to starhub( since its working at night). In the morning, i will try to do some stuffs for dot box. Speaking abt that. I got really piss when matthew did not turn up tpo bring me the CD. So i have the intention to screw up the roadshow as well. Who cares man. "Treat others the way u want to be treated." So if he treat me this way. Im gonna repay back every single cent. On another thought...chengze is also involve in this.. so i dont want to let things goes wrong becos he is innocent. haix. Will see how... Gonna slp for the night. I love laogong!! ( i will pay u back asap after i work and get paid) And i love my lappy. Miss u horny^^ Sweet dreams choppy and kimo =D

Labels: Journal

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Its raining now... What a heavy downpour! I wonder when it will stop... Feel like crying T.T All of a sudden, i felt out of the world. So unfamiliar, yet every piece of sadness is so distinct and real. Its like ive not made any friends, not being in a relationship, not loved. Im thinking how much im worth. I miss laogong!! But im so uncomfortable... and he cant feel it T.T

Labels: Journal

After spending ten mins or more typing out chinese, i gave up. So it backspaced everything.
Im feeling terrible today.. woke up at 4am and couldnt sleep, found myself stained. Haix... Had a bath and my tummy is still feeling uncomfortable so i did some work and completed by proposal. Ready to submit it=D
Plans are missing out on me. Practice my vocals till im sleepy.. half an hour before collecting stocks i couldnt take the pain and knocked out. Until 11pm i woke up. Couldnt sleep anymore.Still feeling weak all over=D Hamsters are so cute=D I love them. Kimo and Choppy. But darling seems to be selfish.. only play with kimo all the time... So im gonna love choppy more!! ( She lost her husband.. she cant lose me anymore...T.T) In the end today i stained twice again=( Awful. Im gonna cook a pack of noodles. Hungry. Had nothing but porridge 17 hours ago.

Labels: Journal

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Hello~~ Its great to see that everyone is so on for blogging!!=D I didnt slp last night. Kept tossing and turning abt until its finally 7 in the morning. Hahaha! What a stupid excuse=P But anyway... i went online to make sure i do not fall asleep before meeting lao gong soon. So i randomly went into audi, guess who i met?? LITING AKA PILLOW!! Hahahas its really long time no see! Then went into her room... noticed that she has a ring on her head xD Thats a good news! But in the game... her boyfriend doubt my ability to feel for songs -.- So i got kinda upset over it. Its over now. Glad i handled the situation this way other than my normal self. Felt awesome to prevent a war xD Im waiting for Chengze to online and talk abt his plan. He is so WOLS..

Labels: Journal

Monday, January 18, 2010

Okay.. Today i woke up at 6pm o.o super late since i did not slp last night so i slept in the morning. Then laogong ask me if i want to meet him for dinner. Intentionally no but miss laogong so well agreed to it. Eventually i didnt leave my house at all for he is not coming to fetch me as i thought he would. Well stay at home and be a princess than a slave who needs to travel. So i ahd dinner at home. Was really upset. My waist is hurting becos i sneezed. So stupid huh -.-'' Then Laogong called and we had a tiff because we are both unhappy abt something. He make me cry. I know i was wrong so well.. i apologised. Then we tuned back to normal. Until he came back from dinner and talk to me abt my work stuff. Soon i thought this is not gonna bring us far if this continues. It will eventually lead to a break up. Which is definately not wat i want. So we talked abt it.. and things goes on well again. Although i know.. if this kind of things is endless and the ending would not be as nice as today. What i want to say is.. I Love Laogong. And i hope he loves me the 'way' i love him. I always believe love is abt doing things tgt rather than not doing things just to be tgt. I really hope that laogong sensivity would end one day tgt with my bad temper. Haix. Just pray lols xD
Im starting to work on my proposal to the BINKZ dance competition thingy. Hope i get it done nciely and fast. Its not that easy to organise stuff as i thought it would be. But there is a start there is an end, Im gonna start it nicely and end it perfectly!! xD

Labels: Journal

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Hahahas Im at Khoon house now=D LOLS Slept till kena disturb to wake up for lunch. AGAIN-.- LOL. He is now disturbing kimo. WTH la. Ask me dont ga jiao he go scare him some more-.- See la. now kimo wake up le. Hahahas Okay. This morning is very funny. First, i took the mrt with my bree bag that has 2 packet of noodles inside, plus holding on to kimo with the cage. Was quite attention seeking o.o When i alight at tiong bahru station, the amusing thing happen. The man dash down when the door is closing and got clamp by the gate!! I almost fell when i saw this on the escalator. OMG. The door didnt open until later. Im like really scared the mrt just drive off. Hope that he dont do this kind of things again. Cant get in to the train and cant get out. This kind of things are very dangerous. Its really like in rush to see god. Next, i took the elavator with an uncle. Inside the elavator, he is panting and seems to be really in a hurry as well. When the door opened, he dash out and guess wat! His slippers drop!! Well.. at least thats what i assume. But who knows... i saw him running into the corridor with one slipper only. I bet he noticed but i didnt think much.. slowly.. i kick his slippers, intending to kick it back to his corridor. Well too much for being a nice person.. soon, he ran out again and saw me kicking his slippers. He was like.. "ARGH!! WO DE XIE ZI!! WO YAO DANG DIAN TI DE!!' then i realise he intentionally drop his slippers by the door of the elevator because he wants to stop the elevator so that he dont have to wait for the next one-.- I didnt realise it was so funny until i relate everything to laogong!! HAHAHAS so hilarious =P Well.. he is playing with kimo. Think im gonna play with him as well.
Ps: Stupid laogong dont let me kiss kimo!! Whats the big deal!! I go home kiss choppy lo xD

Labels: Journal

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Hoho.. Hmm.. what happened to me and laogong today? Oh yes. Supposingly, i woke up at 9 to go to geylang methodist secondary, choose CCA for zi xuan. In the end was canceled because sabrina jie jie can make it.( The wedding she was suppose to attend, the bride got into hospital. SO dramatic but so real) So i intend to give my darling a surprise by appearing at his house suddenly. So i took bus and slowly.. reached his house at 10 plus going 11. Who knows he is not slping, but playing psp -.-'' plan failed Hahahas!! We went to great world city for mcdonalds. Bought his slippers at BATA first. Unexpected, for weekends mcdonald breakfast was extended to 12 noon. We went yoshinoya instead. The music they played for dining is really touching.. i got really sad thinking of my hawrny T.T Then emo all the way home until i fell asleep on his bed till i kena disturb by him to wake up which was 6 plus by then=P Yeah im just like a pig. Hoho=D Had a meeting with chengze and sharon, so make our way to china town reached by 7. Had dinner like in some sort of pub, but wasnt inside, we are sitting outside. They ordered alchohol. Laogong's addiction appears again. I didnt drink=D But they did. And play games. First time i see laogong so drunk and uncomfortable. Aiyo. My heart pain T.T What makes it worse is that he is still so worried for me instead. ( While im the one who is totally conscious there o.o ) Then i did my part to cab home with him, take care of him for awhile, then head home play audi ^^ Tmr morning gonna go his house help him sober up=D Haix.. actually i wanted to stay over de. But parents dont allow. ( If i insist they also cannot do anything but nvm la) Well.. its late alrdy. Looks like im not gonna slp tonight=D
Food for thought: Humans are the worst creatures. They like to look for flaws in others but they will never think back of their past regardless right or wrong. It may be the arrogance, sensitivity, jealousy, or even selfishness in everyone. And sharon said something right today. Nobody in this world will be acknowledge by EVERYBODY, there are bound to be someone who doesnt recognise ur efforts. But then i thought...1 person said its wrong, it may not be wrong. The 2nd person who said its wrong, its worth to consider. 3rd person who said its wrong, something is definately wrong. But it might not be because of wat u did.
PS: Laogong!! This columm is specially for you. U said i start to slack in my blog, so today im gonna reflect on wat they say and tell u this. Laogong. No matter what other say abt u, they might think its not appropriate, or they may not like you, even if u didnt do anything. If they feel that ur presence is annoying to them, its their prob. Please do not feel bad abt it. They dont know how to appreciate u, may be because they dont know u well. Time will prove them wrong. Cause i love the way u are. U are honest and undeniably capable, understanding and caring towards everyone. One thing they have to know.. U and I, we are not gods, we cannot please everyone. Rmb..你的坦率，真挚，直接，正是我最欣赏的地方！Let today be a lesson for us=D What others think abt you, or me, its up to us to change the way they think. As long as we did our part,我们就对得起天地良心，无愧于任何人！不用改变自己，用真心待人，就像你现在这样，就足够了！我爱你！ =）

Labels: Journal

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Binks entertainment

Hoho!! Im finally back home at around 10.30pm. Its a really fun day for me. Ytd I had dinner with company ppl. LOLS. All great singers and artiste. Today went for a photoshoot. Its really rushing because the make up artiste took long to make up everyone of us. But its professional. Hahas i prefer myself without make-up and i think my shots arent that nice. LOL. I think khoon took the photo is nicer instead=D He had it as his wall paper. Cant believe i get my hair curly again. Its big waves la.. but still.. hahahas!! Every 2 years i was told im better with my curly hair o.o wat the hell=D LOLS!! Yeah for those who know me, im naturally curly hair person until i rebonded=D Anyway some probs here and that but well.. its over. SO tired but im still gonna watch conan!! xD

Labels: Journal

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Responsibility

Have not have a good sleep for long =( Feeling listless. Well.. a couple of updates after a period of emo-ness.
1) Found another job sounds not so promising but well.. just carry on with it. Its in venture era.
2) Progressing well with grayraye ( despite i had some news deafening)
3)Choppy is biting everyone that touches her, including me.( Maybe she misses horny like i do)
4)Join the Binks entertainment company.
5) Going for dinner and photo shoot on friday night to sat
6) Got new ear piece from milly jie jie.

That time choppy bled from her bottom. Scares me to death man... I noticed it very fast i believe because i see stains of blood as i flip her over, it not dried up yet. Laogong and me brought her to the pet lover's shop and their vet is on a break. The cashier scare me and say while holding choppy: "This is a serious prob, it might be tumor." Luckily when we return to the shop half an hour later, choppy is said to be fine by the vet. He says its normal for female hamsters to bleed once or twice after mating. Poor choppy.

Slept late ytd, was involved in a phone call with some kor kor and jie jie. Around 5? Im the one who hang off first o.o LOL Feeling not good today =( kena wake up by calls and messages spamming in tgt. Well.. at least i blogged=D

Labels: Journal