These are the times where i really cant comprehend why some things happened.
Ive always believed that 'things, happens for a reason.'
Like there are always moral of the story to learn from and such stuff?
But maybe im wrong.
Just reached home from dinner with khoon and his family.
When it is 8 oclock, i was already asking khoon to call his brother, to ask whr is he.
Since we are all going for dinner tgt, and he's driving.
And khoon's bro, chee, said that he is on the way.
So we waited...
For abt an hour, i was sitting in the living room watching meng yao jiang.
Yeah, didnt want to write down my feelings here abt the show becos its not the main point of the post.
Anyways, around 9 plus, chee arrived.
Shortly after, chee's friend came to.
None of us knew that they are coming, except for chee.
I guess we are already thinking that it was late so we should hurry for dinner.
Thats what i think, i didnt know what khoon and his mum thinks.
But chee and his friends are using khoon's laptop to book for their overseas trip.
So only until ten, we are then making our move to dinner.
Khoon and his mum are quite annoyed over the delay.
Though i dont think they are hungry....
But im quite anxious becos its late and i dont want to leave them like suddenly becos its rude.
So in the end, i came home late, at 12 sharp.
Now here is the main point.
Im not blogging becos my mum is rantling right after i came home abt me *sticking* with my bf all the time, all day long, even during school days.
I kind of get used to it.( not mentioning i worked alot of days during my holiday, which means little time with khoon.)
Its just a small thing, i dont want to rake up the past and stuff...
Now, this is what happened.
I tried to talk, be nice, communicate and stuff.
Its not smth i always do, becos it always turns out unpleasant.
Its not misunderstandings, but the lack of mutal understanding btw me and my mum.
And also becos of the *traditional* mindset of the entire family tree.
So i tried to tell her that im broke....
Becos despite getting my pay from 1 day's work with her, i used it up, like almost in 1 day when i get my school material ytd, plus additional 7 dollars for a visual culture textbook that needs to be paid on the spot today.
So its abt 50 bucks, and what abt my transport fee 10 bucks?
Im left with 6 dollars in my wallet arh pathetic.
Ytd i was still thinking if i should claim from my mum over the sch stuff.
And in the end i decided not to.
See-ing her working hard that day makes me feel like...
"If i still have, i'll use mine first'.
But when i told her im broke...
she said :' whr is all the money u went to work? the few hundred bucks?(kiehls)? Spent it all on expensive food and ur bf? Is he is 'xiao bai lian?' need to give him money?"
Thats whr im fed up abt.
Everytime even if i eat expensive food, i wasnt needed or asked to pay anything becos khoon always does it for me.
Since i RARELY suggest eating expensive food.
Khoon save up money so that he and i can enjoy tgt.
And honestly, i do, and will enjoy, even if we dont live such a (luxurious) lifestyle.
Plus, khoon always encourage me to get along better with my mum.
And im trying to too.
If not i wouldnt have agreed to 'work' tat day, with the damn low pay.
I went becos i want to know and feel what kind of environment she works in.
But what the hell?
I dont care if she said the things without processing it in the mind or not-.-
Im just upset.
And right now im not blogging becos im angry and want to complain abt my mum, dots.
In case u think that way.
I just feel very depressed why arent we able to communicate like how khoon and his mum does.
Its very difficult to explain how they do it, but its really something i wish for.
Yup my bank still has money.
But who is the one that encourages us to save up and stuff.
Im not even spending it on clothes and shoes like my sis does sometimes.
And i only tell her im broke so that she can rmb to give me my allowance for this week, just now.
Only until she says my bf is a xiao bai lian which is something i cannot accept.
Walao, this is not even making sense becos they are probably 2-3 or even 5 times richer than us.
xiao bai lian, wo yang bu qi!
Khoon is one of the most polite and mannered ppl around.
EVERYONE in his neighbourhood compliments abt it.
just becos 'once or twice' he fail to 'call' her, doesnt mean he is not polite! DAMN IT.
Mum, i know u are a women, i know u tell things not by facts, but by 'senses'/ or how u feel like , same as all the other women in the world. U might be right. But in fact, u are wrong.
We are always 'on the bed' becos i am always on the bed whether he is beside me or not.
He even feels that the room is stuffy and wanted to sit in the living room, but i dont want to becos i feel more comfortable lying on the bed, like right now.
And these few days i always wear clothes that are less revealing becos its my new year resolution, to pei yang qi zhi.
Cos i feel that im losing out even to qing and xuan hahas!! =)
So dont jump into conclusion OF UR OWN, WHICH IS NOT TRUE, where im wearing revealing clothes when im going to his house. Please, if im really wanting to go naked, even if i wear 10 jacket and 10 jeans, i will still go naked-.- So u are not making sense.
I think its also becos my sis, idk, maybe, i said maybe, always tries to find fault in my khoon too. I hope you are not trying to act like senior becos u both are of the same year. He respects you for being my sister so please dont cross over the line.
he dont feel irritated, but sometimes i do.
Even if one day he becomes your bro in law, u still dont have the rights to.
Im just saying all these once and for all, no sepcific cases to which why i said this.
Tell me if im wrong.
Mother,I dont understand why everyone can treat him nicer and nicer as time pass becos of his good natured and honest character. But u are still constantly complaining abt him.
But most likely u 'SENSED' it again?
Sense that the way he look at you is belittle you or smth?
Come on, whats wrong with you? Unless u think so small of urself thats why ur self esteem is so low to think that he is belittling you.
Being more poilte for a little bit doesnt mean success in life and all-.-
Not working and depending on his parent's money/allowance doesnt mean he is useless.
What is the point of earning a few thousands dollars right now where he is still studying and has no worries over money, where at the same time, his parents can totally afford to give him allowance.
Thats another case becos his parents grew them up this way.
Sis, we are both from the same generation, its not like me and mum, whom is having generation gap or smth.
I expected you to understand me better, i still hope so.
Anyway today just told sanyae that im trying to change for the better and this & that...
(Since I know my flaws, very well.)
But i analysed that in this family, there is no chance.
Why?
Not given one.

Labels: Journal

8:41 AM ·